Second Human Centipede, Snowtown

Ew! I know I asked for this, but you know that sometimes when you ask for things, you get them? Well, I was more than looking forward to the second installment of the "Human Centipede"-movies, but about an hour into it all I wanted to do was just get out of the cinema. However, I want to mention the following in my defence: I was probably the only person in there who had the guts to look at the screen throughout everything. There were strong men in there who couldn't stand for some of the things that this girl could. And for a horror-fan such as myself, that's a big deal. I understand if you don't see the significance of that. You have to be into films about blood and guts, I guess. Anyway, if you don't already know what "Centipede" is, it's about, well, a man who wants to create a human centipede. That's it. He's obviously pretty sick and doesn't mind cutting out people's kneecaps and stuff like that. Also, he jerks off in sandpaper. Some people like to watch that kind of thing. Unfortunately, I'm one of them.

Last film on the festival was "Snowtown" which was a completely different kind of horrorfilm. If you're familiar with the real-life Snowtown murders (also called the Body in Barrel-murders) you should def check this out. The grim lighting, the naturalistic acting and the wonderfully unpretentious way the story was told all gave way to one of the best films at the festival. It's a film that grips you slowly, slowly, slowly but then decides not to let go. Wonderful. Oh, and if you're a sucker for Australian dialect, this is for you.

The Presence

Worst. Movie. Ever. Remember how I was all excited about "Killer Joe"? Well, this is the exact opposite. Okay, here we go: "The Presence" is about a woman with constant PMS who goes to a cabin to write. In the cabin there's a ghost who tries to stare her to death. Her boyfriend arrives and they're all happy. Then some other ghost decides to hang out in the cabin which annoys the other ghost who decides to try and stare him away, but it doesn't work. The woman gets a total fit, apparently because she senses some things told to her by the evil ghost and then some third ghost-dude decides to show up at the cabin, being all good. It makes the evil ghost go away and the ghost that stares... I don't know what happens to him. Didn't make much sense? Didn't to me either. Let's just hope the second installment of the Human Centipede movie is better than this piece of downright awful cinema.

Killer Joe

Contender for the best film in the festival so far is "Killer Joe". Oh my fucking god, I didn't know a film could be that awesome. As a matter of fact, I'm still too blinded by sheer fascination to properly tell you why it's so great. But let me try: imagine you're a glutton for dirty violence in cinema. Imagine you love when Texas gets portrayed in a cartoonish way and imagine, just for a second, that you have a celebrity crush on Emile Hirsch. Imagine that every time you watch a William Friedkin film, you wonder to yourself if he truly ever made a film that was really him. Imagine you have a thing for movies with slightly dumb titles and that you like to watch rednecks on film. Now, if you combine all these things you will love "Killer Joe". Also, you will be a lot like me.

The Comedy, Lovely Molly, Empire Bio

There are still some days left of the festival, but today I'm including one of the cinemas as well. Just to spice things up, you know.

Well, went to see "The Comedy" yesterday which was about a bunch of hipsters who were very ironic and rude to everyone. Then they made some practical jokes that was also about letting everyone else know that they weren't hipsters. Reminded me of when I lived in New York and sometimes walked down Bedford in Williamsburg. "The Comedy" was just like taking a stroll down that street. And when it finished it was like taking the L back to Manhattan.

And then let's move on to one of the best cinemas in Copenhagen, where I was lucky enough to see one of the movies in this years festival. On the other hand I was unlucky, that I only got to see one there. The cinema is called Empire and it sure is an empire. An Empire of Awesome, yo! Everything here is perfect, from the brunch they serve before a movie in the summer (they even sometimes have barbecue, or they used to at least) to the amazing range of films they show. Here they screen blockbusters to make a living, but I've always had a feeling that it was the art films that had their heart. No matter what kind of films you're into though, Empire is def the place to go.

Back to the festival: finally, there was "Lovely Molly", a film I really wanted to like. I really, really, really wanted to like it and I almost did. But somehow it was too obvious and just didn't do it for me even though I can't quite put my finger on why I left feeling strangely unsatisfied. The leading lady had an amazing haircut though.

Code Blue, L'Apollonide (souvenirs de la maison close)

I'm a sucker for dramas that are out to make you feel really bad, and that's probably the reason I found the Dutch film "Code Blue" a grim/delicious treat. Plot: a lonely and unhappy nurse who likes to serve death on a platter to patients sees a rape along with her neighbor whom she's been stalking. They officially meet at a party and things get ugly. This reminded me tremendously of Haneke's "La Pianiste" which might have been a bad things, since nothing can ever get on the side of that particular film. But this was damn close, let me tell you.

But not all films are out to get you, and "L'Apollonide (souvenirs de la maison close)" is one of those films that wish for only one thing: to be beautiful. And it was. As a matter of fact, it was so beautiful that I forgot about how dreary it actually was. I mean, this was like sitting down and enjoying moving images as dashing as paintings. Besides they spoke a beautiful French and some of the dresses were worth a lot of envy. Sometimes that's all a girl needs.

Dark Horse, Sleep Tight, Terri, Take this Waltz

The filmfestival is still going strong in the capital of Copenhagen and I'm still following it. Here's some excerpts with some to come:

I don't know what it is exactly, but I think that I - out of some sort of misplaced loyalty - keep thinking that Todd Solondz is a director who still has something to say. "Welcome to the Dollhouse" was fantastic, so was "Happiness", while "Storytelling" was pretty much so-so. The rest has just been a waste of time IMO. But still I want to like his later movies, and that's why I found myself watching his newest film "Dark Horse" who had a protagonist who was so unbearably unsympathetic that I just waited for a scene without him in it. Unfortunately, that never happened. Next, please.

And, oh yes, the next one coming up was much, much better. Starting slowly, the Spanish thriller "Sleep Tight" turned corners and become a creepy, twisted experience filled with things that will make you sleep anything but tight. Loved it and the way it slowly crept underneath my skin. The film is about a concierge who sneeks into people's apartments at night. Especially the young Clara gets visits from the midnight man, but soon it isn't enough for him just to sneek peaks at her from underneath her bed. Something else much be done. As you might imagine, things get pretty dysfunctional from here.

In another world there's "Terri", an obese kid with problems. I'm sick of American indies that aren't indie at all. I'm sick of things that are CUTE and QUIRKY. Also, I don't like films that lie and tell fat kids that they can surely be friends with pretty girls and hip principals because that's not the way the world words: if there's something I love in this world it's underdogs, and if there's something I hate it's if popular kids make films about underdogs, when they have no idea about the world they portray.
Sorry for the rant. I didn't like this film.

Quality sure takes turns this time, wouldn't you say? I would. The best film however, I've seen at this year's festival is "Take this Waltz". Fantastic. It's a real look at temptation and what it means to love other people today. It was honest (unlike "Terri"), refreshing, funny, heart-breaking and poetic. I'm considering flying to Canada to ask Sarah director Sarah Polley to be my best friend because not only did she kick zombie ass in "Dawn of the Dead", hook up with Adrien Brody in "Splice", but now she also proves that she truly understands people in this, dare I say it, masterpiece that is "Take this Waltz". At the festival I heard some people complain that this film just wasn't funny enough, but I'm worried that they just didn't get it.

Klip / Soupanatural

Yesterday was a fine day as I first of all had a gorgeous bowl of soup at Soupanatural (look below) and afterwards went further up the street to catch the Serbian drama "Klip" in the theatre. Fantastic film! Not one that left me feeling good in any way, but it was so powerful that i spent my entire way home thinking about it. It's about a young girl who lives in a poor neighborhood with her father who is dying and mother who is exhausted from taking care of him. So what does a young girl do? She goes to find ways to take her mind off the fact that her life is miserable and that things aren't what they ought to be. This leads our young heroine into humiliating sexual escapades that is supposed to make her feel loved, but fails to do so. Fantastic film. Watch it!

However, as stated, first I went to get some organic soup at Soupanatural. It's placed on my childhood street Guldbergsgade, which doesn't make me love it any less. This is a perfect place for cheap, tasty, organic soup that leaves you full. I had a small bowl of Morroccan soup and I simply couldn't eat any more after that. Also, they give you a lot of bread to go with it, so don't worry about being hungry after a visit here. It's cozy, too. Just look at the picture of the outside. Gorgeous!

Last, but not least, they have a sense of humour in their bathroom. The picture should be self-explanatory.

Hard Labour, Un Été Brûlant

It's day whatever of the film festival and things are looking up. What do I mean by that? Well, first of all the films are getting more interesting which leaves me with great anticipation for the next to come. Second... there is no second. The first reason ought to be enough. So anyhow, I spent the early part of my evening yesterday watching "Hard Labour", a Brazilian (Brazilian?) film about a woman who cannot make ends meet. She's opening up a grocery store, but something fishy is going on and why are there black dogs outside the shop every night, barking at her? It's social realism mixed with a slight suspence,which is never bad. Personally, I love how you can always mix different genres into social realism ("Kill List", anyone?)

Okay, second film of the day was "Un Été Brûlant" which had the laways gorgeous Louis Garrel as the male lead (not so weird since the film was made by his dad, Phillippe). I was expecting bohemian types sipping wine and talking for lengths about life, love and art. Not so. It was more like 90 minutes of watching unstabile people armwrestle each other with their minds. If you ask me, that sort of things is pretty great.

So that's all for now. Next up: Klip. That's right: a Serbian film, that isn't like "A Serbian Film" at all.

On/Off

The other day, as I was walking around Copenhagen, I stumbled upon this little gem, and couldn't help but take a photo of it. Somehow it defines everything I love about city life. When I lived in New York I would occassionally stumble across knitted bicycles (!) and now that I'm back in Copenhagen, wall drawings seems to be the thing. Funnily, when I lived in a small town in Wales, I never saw anything like this. So maybe that's how you define a city: if there's unmotivated art it's one.

Avalon, J'aime regarder les Filles, Michael

Another day with festival films and I'm beat. Started out yesterday with the Swedish film "Avalon" which was alright, even though somehow something was lacking. I don't know what exactly, but I felt strangely indifferent to the whole thing. I believe it might have something to do with something my dad told me once: if the characters in any story don't act sensibly or understandably at least, you just shrug and say, well, whatever happens is their own fault. Guess that's how I felt.

As for the next film, "J'aime Regarder les Filles" it could've been stereotypical and downright pathetic, but charm usually saves the day (and the film), and it came to the rescue once more with this one. Gorgeous and charming to the very bone, "J'aime regarder les Filles" is about the young kid Primo who's actually kind of a freeloader, but film is the grand manipulator, making it easy to love him. Anyhow, Primo wants to be rich and stylish like the beautiful Parisian kids and falls in love with the wealthy and simply awful Gabrielle, not understanding that the quiet Delphine is the one for him. Does it sound like something we've seen before? Yes! But you don't mess with a good story, and this shit never gets old.

Best one, though, was "Michael" which was like a film by Michael Haneke before he got tired. maybe it's because I'm strangely fascinated with the concept of taking someone away from society and locking them in a basement (is this also replies to you, read Emma Donoghue's "Room"). That was what this film was about: a lonely and systematic man who keeps a boy in his basement for company and sexual favors. Thankfully the movie understands how this is one of the worst crimes of modern society and therefore kept from dishing out the sentimental music and raised fingers. This is already terrible and we understand this without any underlining. Amazing film. More of that, Cph: PIX.

Livide, The Preening Swan, Happy End

There's not much activity going on these days. And why is that, you may ask. Answer: it's the Cph:PIX film festival. So there. I've already spent my precious time watching three films that didn't live fully up to the expectations of an amazing festival where masterpieces are shown. Or maybe I just have too high standards. Well, the first film I watched was "Livide", a film by the two French guys Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury. They've previously directed and written the amazing "À l'intérieur" (also known as "Inside), but this time they apparently decided to get popular with the mainstream crowd and make a vampire-themed film. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind vampires. I loved "Hunger" and I was obsessed with the first season of "True Blood" before the focus shifted from sweaty Louisiana to boring supernaturals. Great start with creepy shadows and people who are clearly not what they seem. I love that stuff! I especially love it when all this creepiness will clearly soon turn into bloody, gory horror! However, with "Livide" we just get a vampire girl who can fly. Disappointing!

Maybe that's why I liked "The Preening Swan" so much better. At least it didn't hide from what it was all about. Also, in a weird way, it was a lot more scary than "Livide". Here's the synopsis: naïve Barbara is visiting her former boyfriend Howard, but is worried about the killer in a jester's costume, lurking in the shadows of the town, waiting to kill. She gets even more worried when she finds evidence in the house that Howard is the killer! However, he has a different version to the story. There's a tiny monster, he tells Barbara, in a box in the living room that comes out every Halloween to kill innocents. Kinda like that premise, so I went to see it, expecting weirdness and bad acting. I got both, but somehow the film knew how awful and kitschy it was. And with that in mind, I didn't have a problem with it. Sounds strange? I can't explain it any better. Sorry.

Finally I went to see Swedish drama, Happy End. Pretty good. Not bad. Unfortunately that's all I got to say there. The other people in the cinema seemed to love it, but I was left with a "meh"-experience. That's what I got, folks.



Retour

Just as I thought hoped I knew all the great restaurants in Copenhagen, I run across Retour. Amazing! This is a place so certain of its own value that the waiters all walk around in their own clothes (no uniforms here, no sir!) and the menu consists of three choices. But, oh my, is it good! No matter what you go for you will not be disappointed. Just remember to book ahead. Everything else would be too daring and, honestly, just not professional-looking.

Statens Museum for Kunst

It's Easter and people are flocking to the museums to hide away from the brutal truth that the weather sucks - way too cold for most people's liking. So what shall we do? Well, if in Copenhagen, the answer could be to head for Statens Museum for Kunst, where the entrance is free for the general exhibit, and the atmosphere is nice and calm. Their paintings are rather so-so, but the installation art is dreamy, y'all. And when it isn't dreamy, it's drastic, like metal hitting you right in the face. Example: below you will see a picture of a man (mannequin, don't worry, it's modern enough for real sick people) in a hospital bed. That's part of the installation pieces, where you walk straight into a hospital ward. Let me tell you; that shit's creepy if you're alone.

Ida Davidsen

Just got home from a good, old-fashioned, traditional Danish lunch. That's right, I'm talking 'bout those smørrebrød, those open sandwiches that foreigners flock to whenever they come around these parts. Now, like most modern Danes, I'm not a huge fan of this cuisine, but if I get invited somewhere, I have to be pretty ill not to accept. So I dragged myself to the busy part of Copenhagen and straight down to the basement, where the famous chef Ida Davidsen resides with her open sandwiches and whatnot. Ida was busy as always, and I got some sweet photographs for my equally sweet blog. You're welcome!